Peter Jerdan of Living Choice Twin Waters has devised a three-step, tried and tested system for surviving isolation. Note: Living Choice does not encourage residents to over-imbibe during this time – the wine can be substituted with a non-alcoholic beverage!
Step 1: Have GOOD neighbours around you*. They are the ones who will do your shopping and keep your wine stock up while you are cooped up. Organise a ‘group’ dinner at least once a week. This involves getting a couple of the neighbours ‘in’ for a takeaway dinner. They sit outside at the table on the patio and have a glass of wine while you do the same inside while waiting for the takeaway.
When the pizza man arrives, give him a tip in an envelope and have the neighbours put the BIG pizza at the front door then back off to the patio table with the small one. Collect the big pizza. Scoff pizzas with a good red wine. If you’re a peasant, then white wine will suffice. Share the latest jokes through the window. Try to get the neighbours to go home by midnight.
Step 2: Download SKYPE (or Facetime or whatever) and contact a neighbour every afternoon at 4.30pm. When you have contact, open the red wine and join him while he does the same, indulging in a private ‘happy hour’. Try to finish by the 7pm ABC news. This is not essential but the SKYPE contact IS essential for your good name. Most people are aware that anyone who drinks alone is an alcoholic so in this way you can’t be labelled an alcoholic. Naturally, this also applies to your neighbour.
Step 3: A good way to brighten up the morning is to start sampling the afternoon wine around 10am. This is completely acceptable as the pubs are open by that time. It also avoids any potential altercations with the spouse and assists with your ‘nanny nap’ after lunch.
*If your neighbours don’t qualify as good, then one answer is to take a correspondence course in Swiss yodelling. A good time for practice is around 1am when, with a window open, the echo effect is at its greatest!